RIP, SC. 5/05/1972-11/06/2012

i attended my co-workers funeral service, this morning.  SC took her own life on my birthday, 11/06/12.  she was a very reserved, proud, african american woman that worked for the pentagon, walked dogs on the side (and i found out, also, today, that she watched them for people, when out of town), was a LVN that cared for disabled children, loved to hike, knew a lot about plants, would recommend books to people, had a friend that flew in from flint, michigan, and lost both of her parents in close proximity of one another, this year.

not very many people, at all, were in attendance of her service.  i was somewhat shocked.  regardless, a woman that i couldnt figure out quite who she was, spoke.  her sister?  not sure.  and the things that she said were so wise and eloquent.  instead of focusing on the tragedy of her suicide, she spoke of love, memories, light, and forgiveness.  i was so happy to hear this because so many people judge the lost souls that take their lives.  i've noticed anger and resentment and casting of them to eternal hell...  for me, my first thought, always, is a thought of pure compassion and pain, in my own heart, of the loneliness someone must feel to leave in such a way.  and with so many questions...  that makes me feel worse than any act of selfishness ever would.  i dont know how the consequences of life work, but i genuinely hope that she finds the peace that she is desperately seeking.

~ * ~

My tears of pain are for you to seek solace in my compassion,

You can always call on me should you ever need a shoulder or a laugh,

The gift of life often leads us astray, but walk through the darkness into another day.

My hand you can hold, in my soul find light, no words to be spoken,

Peace may you find, and heal your heart which has broken.

~*~

In loving memory

Baby Chris

So, all that I know about this picture is that Chris is inside that belly of Jills.  =)  Auntie Susan and, per Julia, Grandpa?  I'm not sure, just yet, on the specifics, but I love that this picture came up while pregnant.  Jill nurturing a fetus, just like me.  ♥

Baby Book #1

so, i typed into google "harvard pediatricians" and this book popped up.  it had good reviews and was written by a pediatric physician in honor of his pregnant daughter and, also, doctor.  flipping through it has been informative, to say the least.  seeing the baby pictures through its stages is startling.  i'm still trying to mentally prepare for all of my body changes.  its a bit scary.  blessings to me for a healthy pregnancy.

5 Weeks, 4 Days

i'm so new at this pregnancy thing that i had my pregnancy weeks wrong!  haha.  i guess they calculate your weeks starting, not from conception, but rather around the time of your last cycle.  it doesnt make much sense to me, but i'm sure the doc will clue me in.

regardless, i'm five weeks and four days, today.

not one symptom of pregnancy..  i'm patiently waiting...  (I'VE HEARD THE HORROR STORIES!)

organogenesis:  the babies organs are starting to form and is a process that will continue for the next four weeks.   i'm abstaining from all toxins, including alcohol, caffeine, mercury laden fish (shrimp, crab, tuna, catfish, cod, clams, scallops), refined sugars/high fructose, non-organic dairy and meats, and artificial sweeteners.  this is all so easy for me since i eat so clean, anyway.  the alcohol is easy (i feel rested and great!), the sugars are easy since i dont eat them anyway, the artificial sweeteners are super easy since they cause cancer - easy!, BUT i miss the coffee and tea!!!  SOOOOO much.  =(  but, its for the best!

also, my body is producing the hormone hCG which causes an increase of blood flow to my pelvic area.  the efficiency of my kidneys has improved, helping my body rid itself of waste products more quickly.  and finally, placenta is growing in my uterus to establish the babies source of nutrients and oxygen and is exerting pressure on my bladder.  what does all this mean?  FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE RESTROOM!  my uterus will rise into my abdominal cavity in my second trimester, sooo... til then!  lots of short walks at work!

the baby is the size of a sweet pea, this week, but starting to bud arms and legs, similar to a gummy bear.  the heart is one of the first things to form and is starting to beat.  also taking shape are jaws, cheeks, a chin, nostrils, and ears, in addition to kidneys, liver, and lungs.

wow.  just when you think you  know it all...


 * * *

six glasses of water down, four to go!

breakfast - me and our baby ate oatmeal with a scoop of protein powder, blueberries, raspberries, two tbs of coconut oil, and a heart-healthy sprinkle of cinnamon.  =)

lunch - quinoa salad with beans and chicken.  i lacked on the veggies, today.  thank goodness for my multi-vitamin.

snacks - an apple and some grapes

dinner - not sure yet...  it should be a big salad with some lean protein.  =)

* * *

Comments

whoops!  i changed the comment settings so that anyone can comment.  it was set to gmail registered people, only.  now, anyone can comment, any time.  =)

First Appointments

i have my first appointments scheduled! 

around the second week of december i may have my first sonogram.  we'll see.  =)

now, just the waiting game while eating well, getting plenty of rest, and drinking lots of water! 


***
breakfast - steel cut oats, chopped apple, blueberries, and raspberries w/ a 1/2tsp of raw honey.
***

...tired...

its already beginning...  i'm more tired than usual.  i could have fallen asleep on my drive home from work, last night and i'm slightly sluggish, overall.  and perhaps its because of the process of so much activity.  talking to all of your friends and family can be downright exhausting.  especially, when your someone like me that is friendly and outgoing.  i've created a lot of kind acquaintances, through facebook and otherwise, that want to know everything.  haha.  but, i'm learning to pick and choose my relationships.  family first, then close friends, and i'll get to everyone else when i can.  =)

i felt so busy all day yesterday, so when i finally hit the couch at 10:30p, i was out, immediately.  those that know me, know that is insanely early for this night owl.

i walked about three miles for fear of lifting my usual weights.  i guess walking will be my usual routine, now.  i have to do some more research.  and i'm just waiting on my doctor to call me.  i chose a woman physician.  i hope that i like her.

tomorrow is friday and i have a three day weekend.  i cant wait to relax with my love.  ♥

Life and Death, and My Birthday

yesterday was extremely difficult, even though it was my birthday.  i went through a myriad of emotions re: my pregnancy, where we are financially, and the death of a co-worker.

i felt as though i should be so much happier and excited to be a mother...  but, its normal, i think, to ensure the baby is born into a stable home.  so, i started to worry that we wouldnt be able to provide.  there couldnt be any more love between us, as a couple, but money and career has always been an underlying issue, as i know it is in most developing families.  its the most frustrating thing in the world to know your worth, know your intelligence, know your education, and then have to settle, like most everyone else, because you cant find that perfect career path.  i know that we all have to sacrifice, in certain times in our lives, but its nothing that you ever just want to easily yield to.  it should be the last option.  and we're at that point.  settling, because its the last option (job-wise).  we're two very savvy, charismatic people that have never had a problem finding a job, but we want more than a job.  we want a career, we want stability, we want to be happy.  that being said, i will never give up on working hard and looking forward.  its just how i've been created - to work hard.  now, its my responsibility to try to help my other half to stay diligent, keep searching, and be comforted in knowing that we always have each other and we'll always be okay, no matter what we go through.  love is a powerful tool.  in my world, its the most powerful tool available.

on my birthday, my nurse and co-worker committed suicide.  it may have hit me the hardest, because while someone took their own life, i am working on creating one.  it breaks my heart to know that someone could be in such a lonely, dark place and leave behind friends and family to wonder what went wrong.  i lost my own father to a tragedy, when young, and those types of deaths are the hardest to process and overcome.  but, i can lie, i've been there when i was younger.  life is difficult.  life can hurt more than it seems that we can handle.  but, again, love has been what kept me afloat.  i could never be so selfish to damage my family.  its not fair to burden others with so much pain when you have love and support, but just refuse to seek it.  its a selfish act, but it also makes me realize the value of life.  i will nurture and care for our child so much that i hope to never have to deal with such a situation.  blessings to my nurses soul and her friends and family left behind.

on these notes, i know that all of these feelings are just part of my adjustment period.  its a bit overwhelming to create a life, birth it, and raise it with all of your ideals and morals.  but, all parents say its the most amazing experience on earth, so i'm glad to welcome it.

* * *

i found out that our baby is the size of a sesame seed:

"During this week, the amniotic fluid starts collecting about the cells that comprise the embryo. It assists in cushioning your child in the course of the entire 9 months of pregnancy.

In the course of this time, your child is expanding remarkably fast. However, it will alter rapidly within the weeks that come. It starts developing its head, spinal chord and also the gastrointestinal tract.

You may even notice that your waistline is expanding, but you should not concern the excess fat acquire that is unavoidable, at this time. In truth, it really is pretty natural and healthy to acquire bodyweight throughout pregnancy, as much of it is because of the growing placenta, amniotic fluid, as well as the fluid collecting inside the tissue and the baby. The bodyweight acquire can also be because of the accumulation with the maternal body fat that assists in supporting the breastfeeding.

The third week of pregnancy is the time when a whole lot of changes are about to happen inside your body. Appreciate these alterations and bear in mind that they assist in supporting you and also the child throughout your pregnancy"

Day One

Today is November 5th.  The day before my birthday.  Last night, after knowing that I was three days past my cycle, I decided to utilize a pregnancy test...  And here were the results:

This begins the journey of Christopher and my beautiful attempt at a functional, intelligent, strong, and joyous family.  I want to share the experience with my friends and family, whom I love more than all the world.


=)  Congratulations to our whole family, and to our new addition?  I am, simply, overwhelmed and I cannot WAIT to create and meet you.

❤