170 Beats Per Minute

You're a hummingbird!

 

we heard your heartbeat, for the first time, today, and i could NOT be happier!  its impossible.  i feel so happy and want to cry for joy and just go home to your dad, but i cant!  i have to keep it together, like the business professional that i am, and get back to work.  (ug!)  celebrations later.  i'm a FIRM believer in there being a time and place for everything. 

anyway, they used a fetal Doppler monitor, pushed around a little, and your sweet and perfect heartbeat was right there, loud and clear.  and so fast!  hence the hummingbird reference (and a little reference for your grandma O that loves that bird - she even has a small tattoo) but, then you moved a little and we lost you!  which was perfectly fine!  move around all you want, just stay with us!

i am completely in love with the midwives.  our main nurse was beyond her obvious young years (young, professional, nose ring, and a natural beauty with a wonderful heart), addressing my every concern, not just with clinical answers, but true compassion behind them.  she wasnt afraid to lightly touch my shoulder or hand or knee to let me know that she cared and it made a world of difference.  i have fear and light anxiety, right now, and she made me comfortable.  the road here has been difficult, so when i say you're a blessing to us, its exactly the case.  i dont mean in the spiritual sense, but that you're a gift to us that will bring bountiful happiness. 


i read my own palm one day (not that i believe in that, but i tinker with the randoms of life) and it showed that i would have three children.  this was before i was ever pregnant and it freaked me out because i've only ever wanted just one child.  should you make your way to us, it will have proved true.  and what is even more magnificent to me is, three has always been my favorite number.
 
a mathematician would call you a good statistic.  i call you the miracle of life.

when i got back to my office, ripple by the grateful dead was on the radio (which is a beautiful haiku!).  i've never heard it on the radio.  its one of my favorite dead songs of all time.  i'm not a deadhead, but i have always appreciated the love and connections that i made thanks to jerry and his folks.  i have friends that are hardcore deadheads.  my childhood friend followed them, literally, for years.  bummed around and had a blast.  i have another friend that i think they may be the only band he likes.  haha.  he paints and is very artistic and has drawn lots of "dead" related stuff.  anyway, once you get to know me, you'll learn that i have my hand in a little bit of everything.  THAT is what makes up me, your mother.  i'm not one dimensional, by any means.  my musical choices reflect this.  i'm an appreciator of life and its goods.  not just one genre or walk of life.  i would like to teach you this quality.  it will help you accept all elements of life and appreciate a little bit of everything.  it will help make your life full.

i notified everyone, in this order, of your proof of life today:  father, grandma O, grandma and grandpa C, and auntie.  i'll call your grandpa W later tonight since he doesnt text.

now, hurry up and get here!  ;)


xo

It's Monday, I'm in Love

hi.

nothing today.

goodbye, my sweet.


love you,
xo

~ Post Script ~

Dancing in the warm womb of your mothers chateau,
Tenderly, she whispers sonnets, and hymns, and quips.
For You are the divinity in which never have I been annexed.
It is you of whom I have enveloped my deep love and nexus, 
Years, months, days, hours, minutes, and seconds I have prepared.

All, just for you.

And, you're here.  With me.  Soon to be, with Us.


(daily pregnancy tea with nothing in it today.  pure and simple.)

Valentines Day Cash-In

i talked to your grandma c, yesterday.  they are, apparently, renting a place out here for a few months starting around autumn!  that will be amazing since we planned on them MOVING here with us...  lifes plans constantly change.  but, they are both so excited about you.  everyone that knows is.  they're retired, so its much easier for them to be so mobile.  i'm out of my mind worried about your childcare and wish they could stay and care for you during your few vital years.  it KILLS me that i cant stay home with you for a year or two, but "it is what it is," as they say.  i, basically, have to work to make money for your childcare.  i'm not thrilled.  i dont want one other person raising you other than your father or me.  but, we're not in a position for anything else.  no family here with us and one income isnt enough for how we enjoy living.  but, we'll do what we have to do and we'll cherish every single moment that we can.  i guess i never thought about NOT raising my own child.  reality hits hard.

anyway, for valentines day, your grandma c sent us a gift certificate for ruths chris.  i told you she never skips a beat.  yum!  date night!  =) 




xo

Year of the Sheep/Goat

 


Happy Chinese New Year, my Little One!  I couldn't be happier of the said traditions into which you will be born.  And I am, and have always been, completely head over heels for sheep.  I LOVE THEM.  And goats.  They're hilarious.  Your dad and I went to the San Diego Fair, a few years ago, and I was completely drawn to this cute, little sheep named RuPaul.  He just seemed sort of down-and-out, sitting in his hay, not doing much...  I knelt down to pet his sweet face and he barely moved.  I just kept stroking his soft chin, cheeks, top of head, when he, eventually, lifted his head and gazed into my eyes.  I smiled at him to let him know how sweet I thought he was and that everything is okay with me there.  I'm not a wild little kid, yelling in his face or petting him with reckless abandon, but rather, a gentle soul, seeing more into him and enjoying every little stroke I gave.  He, very slowly, stood up and pushed his head towards me.  The lady that owned him noticed him stand and said to me, "Oh, wow.  That's the first movement that I've seen him have all day.  He really likes you."  I was connected to him.  He was so sweet - I wanted to take him home!  But, then, she told me that he was going to the local butcher, over the weekend, because he was older and that's the process of their life.  What?  I felt crushed.  RuPaul would be gyro meat next week.  My heart broke and tears welled up like the sea.  The cycle of life is what it is and we have to accept its process, no matter how difficult.  I'll never forget the feelings that he gave me, that day.  Sweet and pure.

Anyway - here is what "they" say about this Chinese Year:

The year 2015 is going to be an exciting year – more specifically to individuals who fall under The Year of the Sheep – it is THEIR year! In accordance to the Chinese calendar and meaning, the Year of the Sheep 2015 dates starts from February 19 2015 up to February 7 2016. The 2015 Year of the Sheep falls under the element of Wood.  (Both of us are wood element, too.  =)  We are year of Tiger and element Wood...  Oh, how funny...  I just realized the name of the golfer - Tiger Woods.  haha.)

Under the influence of the element Wood, the sheep is a witty individual who is very thoughtful and is mindful to other’s wishing. He is generous, sentimental and has high moral in life. He completely trusts those people who inspire him.

Lucky colors for someone who is born under The Year Of The Sheep are red, green and purple. 

Their lucky flowers are carnation and primrose. 

The auspicious directions for those who are born under the Year of the Sheep are South, East and Southeast.

More about The Sheep’s Profile:

As mentioned, the Year 2015 is the Year of the Sheep which belongs to the element of the Wood. The Sheep is the eight sign in the Chinese calendar which make it seems to be a good aspect since the number “8” is a lucky number according to the Chinese beliefs. The number is also believed to attributes prosperity and peace.

People who are born under the Year of the Sheep commonly belong to a lower or middle-class family. Although the Sheep may not be a member to an upper-class part of the society, he knows how to adjust when he is with the elites. He does not discriminate other’s weaknesses and he helps whenever he can. As a matter of fact, it is the Sheep’s happiness to make other people happy.

A Sheep is a natural humanitarian yet he is not too attached to pets.

The Sheep’s Strengths:

Sheep’s are intellectual individuals who always have clever ideas about certain things. They cautiously and circumspectly cope up with sensitive business matters. These individuals do not usually plan about their future but they can intelligently cope up with the flow of their lives whether good or bad things happen. They are emotionally strong and are physically fit. Most women Sheep are into outdoor activities while the male ones tend to focus their energy on their jobs or business.

The Sheep’s Weaknesses:

Sheep’s are over-anxious people. They worry about almost everything. At some point of their lives, they become pessimistic. They’re oversensitive, moody and are puzzled about life. They are not usually open about their emotions. They usually out-of-the-earth theories which are usually overlooked by their colleague as obscenity.

Positive and Negative Traits about Sheep’s:
Sheep’s are very artistic, whimsy and are loyal. With their very artistic minds, it is not surprising that sheep’s are into beauty, whether it is about things or places. For them, living in balance is being in a peaceful and harmonious environment. They are great craftsmen. Sheep’s are not materialistic although they are big time spenders who usually spend their monies on foods and for things that comforts them. When a sheep is upset, he would rather bottle up his emotions and not talk to the person that he is mad at. This kind of behavior has a large negative on his relationship’s futures. Time will come that he’ll vent out all his negative emotions and, chances are, he may throw those negativities to a person who is not related to the issues. The Sheep can also be needy and mutually clingy. 
The Sheep’s Perfect Match:

The sheep should be around with a person whom he can always lean on. Someone who understands his mood swings and the kind of life that he wanted to live. The best matches for a Sheep are individuals who were born in the Year of The Rabbit, The Year of The Horse or The Year of The Pig.

The Sheep as A Friend:

Sheep’s make great friends. They never will and never intend to hurt their friends. They are trustworthy and they can keep secrets.

The Sheep When It Comes to Religions:

The sheep is usually religious and he tends to become so attached to whatever his religion is. If you disagree with his beliefs, it may lead to arguments. They believe in occultism and they usually read horoscopes.

Famous People Who Are Born In The Year Of The Sheep:

Mark Twain, Muhammad Ali, Barbara Walters, Nicole Kidman, Amy Lee, Clair Dianes, Judy Davis, Kate Hudson, Veronica Lake, Jamie Foxx, Brandy and Julia Roberts

(We shall see how you turn out! )


I would love to make this...  I'm pretty crafty...  perhaps, I'll try...
 




If I knew someone that worked with wood (your element!), I would have them make this for you:




so cute




you're, already, my superhero
 


 * * *

breakfast:  steel cut oatmeal, quinoa, organic cherries and blueberries, cinnamon, raw honey
morning tea
lunch:  grilled steak and veggies, rice pilaf, hummus, salad of cucumbers and tomatoes.  a little pita.
dinner:  no idea!  ug.  maybe that sandwich that i absolutely couldnt eat, last night?  probably.  FOOD AVERSIONS!

The Adventures of A Babbly Adventure Mom!

you have been on such a wild little adventure, already!  one of your first big meals was steak and lobster!  im such a good mom.  haha.  yum!  and we went to see our friend sing (better than janice joplin, i swear) and had a lovely dinner.  your first concert.  ;)

in january, your dad took us to see a sludge metal band here in denver.  it was a two man band and they were pretty ridiculous for just the two of them.  i got a sticker, of course.  your mom likes stickers.  i have three, old, wooden suitcases with various things in them that i tattoo with stickers.  the biggest one harbors all of my blank cards and cards given to both of us through the years (we have so many...  we are very loved, apparently), the medium one holds all of your fathers and my cards and various trinkets given through our 17 year journey (your dad used to write love letters to me...  the sweetness of courting...), and the smallest one is nothing but cards and letters from your late great grandmother.  she loved to write letters to me.  its absolutely insane how much i didnt realize how much she wrote to me until i compiled all of her letters for this suit case.  she passed away early last year - 2014.  she was my last living grand parent, and my closest.  i told her things that i never told anyone.  nothing odd - i just trusted her.  she was like a best friend and i miss her dearly.  anyway, i havent put any stickers on her case, yet.  she will get things that remind me of her.  sweet things, like flowers, which she planted every single year in her garden; cats, which she always had one or two; and whatever else.

in february, we went to our very first UFC.  you'll soon see that mixed martial arts is a staple in our home.  your father and i have seen every single UFC since its inception in 1993.  you will be athletic, no doubt.  your dad boxes - could have gone pro and, very well, still may (for a fight or 5), played football in college - strong safety - and wanted to go pro until he hurt his knee, learned Brazilian jiu-jitsu with one of the elite trainers in the world - master fabio santos, 7th degree black/coral belt who learned from helio gracie in Brazil and then trained with various Gracies until he got to the US and opened his own place (got his black belt from rickson, my favorite gracie), and now he powerlifts.  that one kind of came unexpectedly due to a knee injury.  it's funny how things work out.  sometimes, as one door closes violently, another one opens quietly.  ~ ~ ~ as for me, i grew up playing sports and dancing.  i was in jazz, tap, ballet, and gymnastics when very young, then switched over to basketball and track in third grade and played those two from then all the way through high school.  i was captain of the basketball and track teams (track was my first love) and i wanted to try something different in 9th grade and played softball and tried cheerleading...  ug.  for cheerleading, i ended up getting bumped up to JV instead of being on the freshman team and the varsity girls were pushing for me to be on their team.  not my cup of tea, i learned...  these girls were bleach blonde, fake tans, and way too much "spirit" than i could tolerate.  i'm already teaching you to judge, haha.  i was listening to depeche mode and the cure and they wanted to rock out to marky mark and whoever else was popular at the time.  i didnt fit.  that's really the point.  not judging, as much.  they were nice.  just...  not me.  i could have been good at softball, but just wasnt feeling that, either.  i went back to my faves the next year.  i was a phenomenal runner and won all kinds of medals.  i thought about running in college, but i just really didnt have the prep for it.  my hs coaches were awful and were having me run five miles a day, in addition to various "training".  i was a sprinter, not an endurance athlete.  it made me slower.  once i figured this out through reading books, i started to rebel and piss off the coaches by doing my own thing.  one of them, finally, understood what i was talking about and worked with me to make me faster, not slower.  i was inches away from breaking our quarter mile record, but sustained a pretty bad injury my junior year and lost a lot of ground.  oh well!  i was lazy in college, but your dad got me into boxing and i loved it!  we sort of abandoned it after his knee injury, so i've been power lifting along with him.

you have very strong parents, at this point in life!  =)  especially your dad.

anyway -

in march, i plan to take you to a stevie wonder concert here in denver.  =)  we'll do something special every month of your creation.  perhaps, skiiing???  snowboarding???  i'm itching...  vail?  breckenridge?  maybe just loveland???  winter will be over soon enough and i want to get out on the mountain.  your dad was sick for vail, a few wks ago, so we have time to make up!

you've been pretty quiet, overall.  i'm just really tired, quite often.  no real sickness.  i feel light nausea, here and there.  please, be safe and continue growing.  i pray.

xo,
mom


* breakfast:  oats, toasted coconut, almonds, raisins,  hot chocolate
* lunch:  protein shake w/ whole greek yogurt, chia seeds, greens scoop, blue and strawberries.
* dinner:  who the hell knows.  we'll see if i can even eat.  its like that...  and thats the way it is.

yellow water bear

well, we're doing it!  birth center it is.  your pops and i went to orientation and got antiquated, registered, and we have an appt. soon.  =)  all rooms come with a tub (and a stick! ha!), so i may just hop on in there...  they are in the process of building a brand new facility that we will open this year.  lucky lucky us!  much nicer rooms and a bigger space. 

i dont like it unless its....

;)  inside joke.  your pops will get it.

tomorrow is valentines day and i'll be sure to tell you that i love you.  in the mean time, enjoy these granny smith apple chips that im eating while drinking my warm daily tea (lemon, tumeric, raw honey, cayenne, etc. - yes every day).  you're probably yellow i eat so much tumeric.  haha.

my little yellow water bug.  ♥

I Love Penguins, and Alfie.

i love heart-warming stories and will share them, every so often.  things that make me feel happy on our journey together.  ♥

Alfred “Alfie” Date is 109 years old and he spends his days knitting sweaters for penguins. Actual, real-life little penguins who live off the coast of Australia and New Zealand.

It may sound crazy, but it’s the truth. Date, the oldest living man in Australia, has been an accomplished knitter for seven decades. He says he completed his first project, a sweater for his nephew, in about 1931. 

Date had recently moved to an assisted living facility in New South Wales, when he got an unusual request from the staff.

"I think I’d been in here about 12 hours, might have been 13," Date tells 9News.com.au. (Watch the video interview here.)

"The two [nurses] come in to me and say ‘We believe you can knit.’" 

The nurses explained that the Phillip Island Penguin Foundation had put out a call for sweaters to help the animals. 

Sweaters for penguins sound adorable, but seem farfetched. But in fact, they serve a practical purpose in rescuing the birds after oil spills.

 

“This is not a fashion statement!” the organization says on its website. “Knitted penguin jumpers play an important role in saving little penguins affected by oil pollution. A patch of oil the size of a thumb nail can kill a little penguin.”

After a spill in 2001, nearly all of the 438 affected penguins were saved.  Date took the request to heart. 

"The girls who used to work for me, they’ll tell you I’m a sucker. I can’t say no," Date says.

Response to the request has been tremendous, largely due to the attention from the press, and the penguin rescue group is now politely asking knitters to lay off. 

“Please note that we have plenty of penguin jumpers at this time donated by generous knitters across the globe,”  the group says. They suggest donating cash to support their work instead. Similar calls for mittens for koalas with burnt paws and knitted pouches for orphaned kangaroos have also resulted in an overflow of crafty donations. 

Apparently knitters can’t resist a call to help.

Date is not the first knitter of a certain age to take up the cause. Merle Davenport, a 96-year-old great-grandmother in Ferntree Gully, Australia, made headlines last year for her penguin sweaters.

“I’ve got to have something to do with my hands,” Davenport told the Knox Leader. She said each jumper (Australian for “sweater”) took her seven to eight hours to make.

Even if the sweaters aren’t immediately put to use, they are having a positive effect on the knitters themselves. The craft has been used as a therapy to boost mental health, it relieves stress, and it boosts brainpower. One study found that crafting lowers your risk of developing mild cognitive impairment by as much as 50 percent and may lower your risk for Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. 

So keep it up, Alfie! 

Look at these!  So cute!!!  ♥

 

conception

ok, little one.  we, very well, may live in a different part of denver once you're born, so here is a tiny peep into our current situation.  we, technically, live in the city of denver, but are LITERALLY on the border of a little city called glendale (pic below).  the glendale sign is right in front of our family room window.  if we lived in unit a, we would be in glendale, but we live in unit b, which is denver.  see those beautiful grassy fields?  that is infinity park (notice the big "8" for infinity - pretty cool) where the rugby players practice and play and where your dad and i wanted to sign up for our gym memberships, but since we live in building b, not a, we were denied.  your father was not a happy camper and had lots of colorful words.  he said some very funny things when that happened.  you'll learn that you always want to be on his good side.  ;)  italian blood runs through his veins and italian tempers are valid.  even his pediatrician told his mother that he had a temper when he was 3.  yes, the tender age of 3.  truth be told, you'll probably NEVER be on his bad side...  he's amazing and you'll be one of the luckiest children on the planet to have him father you.  just wait.  he's actually so cool that i've always feared being the second-place parent.  silly, perhaps, but children gravitate to him like no other.  animals too. 

anyway, your mom works in that tall black building on the left.  the tallest one.  the view from the top floor is breathtaking.  you can see the rocky mountains for miles (you cant see it well in this pic, but that dark line below the clouds is the mountains).  your dad works in southern denver @ a retirement investment bank.  im in healthcare and hire healthcare professionals to care for long term, disabled children.  my job is why we moved here.  we lived in san diego for 16 years, prior.  its the longest that i've ever lived anywhere in my life and, to be honest, i miss it dearly.  i lived here, in denver, when i was very young, so its interesting to be back as an adult.  i will ensure your life fairs much better than mine, at that age.  its part of the reason i waited so long to have a child.  stability.  i've become very alert and keen to and in this life and have always been a cycle-breaker.  i want you to be the same way.  make your own beautiful life because if you fall into other peoples cycles, you'll never find out who you really are or are made of.  who knows how things will pan out...  we just may go back to cali where your grandparents reside.  you're going to LOVE them.  especially your grandmother.  shes one of the most incredible humans on earth.  a very classy woman that never misses a chance to tell you how much she loves you, never misses a birthday (you ALWAYS get a card, balloon, cake...  something), a holiday, or anything in between.  its important to her and she makes you feel very loved.  she's been a like a second mother to me and i'm so grateful for her because were it not for her, we would have been very alone all those years.

anyway, your own parents have always been very adventurous - thats how we got to san diego!  sold my car and crammed our whole lives into a jeep and took a six day long road trip.  but, there is a lot to do here in our new state though, so we'll see how we like it.  we're still settling in.  but, like i said, i really miss our endless summer...  i always imagined waking up to the beach, each morning, with you in my arms.  things change.

all of our decisions, from here on out, will be mainly due to you.  =)

midwives and fairies and ~*stardust*~

i survived the weekend!  with friends in town that like to party, its hard to be the odd one out and not drink and have fun like my usual self!  its kind of refreshing though.  the older i get, the less i like to drink.  though, i truly love and miss WINE!  mmm...  i had a glass on saturday.  dont tell anyone.

the doctor that i found for myself completely flaked on me, not calling me back for 10 full days after i had told them that i had a cali script that was about to run-out - directly related to my pregnancy.  i have a million choice words for them, but am trying to clean up my mouth that loves to curse and call people names in anger.  "breathe, d.  center yourself and be a class act."  ug, so freakin' hard sometimes.  the world seems so lost.  i used to be compassionate and feel sorry for "the lost souls,", but now i'm just getting frustrated at the blatent disconnect and brain washing.  there comes a point when you have to open your mind and eyes.  we cant be blind and dumb our whole lives.  i called my cali doc and she refilled me asap.  ASAP!  totally love and miss her.  she was so kind to me during the hardest days of my life with a loving bedside manner that all doctors should be trained to have...   props.

silver lining?  yep!  i called my local midwifery and left dr. cornflake in the dust.  she's called 13 times, since, but gets no love.  i'll probably just write her a quick, simple letter of the importance of efficiency.  i'm the wrong person to leave hanging.  i'm a scorpio.  screw me over with things so vitally important in my and my families life and i'll leave you behind with no regrets and keep moving to my sacred goal.  aint nobody got time fo' that!  (lady in the hood with a soda...)

we're going to orientation this week and i pray that its for what i'm looking.  literally, i prayed.  its weird, i'm a self-proclaimed deist, but still feel compelled to pray.  if anything, it helps me sort through my own minds thoughts.  and whats even weirder is that, last night while i started praying, i prayed to "the universe," like i normally do.  i wondered, "if i do that, will ANY entity in the universe show up and infiltrate my wishes?"  weird thought, but it made me stop and pray to god, instead.  yes, i know, it should be capitalized...  God.  whatever.  minor details.  i feel like a damned hypocrite, but i was raised in a church with my grandfather as the preacher.  people that are religious fanatics scare me.  "praise jesus!  oh, thank you, sweet jesus!  i know you were with me when i won that football game!  praise the lord!"  (hands in the air, eyes closed, waiving around.)  scary.  stop it.  YOU helped win that football game.  god probably doesnt even condone football, much less have a hand in helping you win a freakin' trophy!  and more-over, there are more lessons in LOSING that just getting a trophy.  have some modesty.  they scare me.  .....rant over.....  i digress.  i have issues.  lots of them.  and they're legitimate issues and concerns.  so, i just do my best.  i always pray for guidance with it. 

anyway -

i may even have a water birth!  we'll see.  i just want to hear our babies heartbeat, at this point.

one day at a time, my little love.

♥

friday night partier

              T

      i



          R

  E 
                        D

did i say that already?  small things are veddy, veddy mighty. 

* * *

fish tacos, chips - full of gmo's, beans
66 degrees.  say wha?  yes, practically hot.  i think the hubby used his freakin' ac.  polar bear jones. 
vail this weekend?  probably not.  brian and his two cornballs are here.  i'm prego and boring as all get out.  i remember being pregnant with courtney king and we just wanted to leave the bar and chill.  we laughed so hard at ourselves.  i'd like to just curl up in bed with my two cats, watch a funny movie, and eat ice cream balls.  lets see what i really do...