Twelve/XII/12

gosh, there is so much going on that i havent had time to be my creative self...

our baby is the size of a prune, now.  we are 9 wks, 4 days.  i prefer the size of an apricot.  prunes are shrivled and not very cute.  (though, i've been eating them a lot!)  i went for my ultrasound and could absolutely not be any more happy that, not only is everything healthy, but our baby is seriously active!  i was shocked to see the major development and movement!  arms and legs kicking around...  the right arm looked as if he were waving and it burst me into tears.  this is my first pregnancy, so i didnt think to capture anything since i wasnt even certain how the appointment would flow.  next ultrasound, i will video it.

i have been so worried, not having any sickness or nearly ANY pregnancy symptoms, that the pregnancy may be compromised or that it didnt continue properly (miscarriage) - so seeing our progress was moons and stars more than i could ever have wished. 

I'M HAVING A BABY!!!

sometimes, i get so overwhelmed and reality hits!  and i yell that, outloud, to myself.  haha.  oh, what changes and joy.  all that i want is a healthy pregnancy, birth, and happy life.  there is so much going on in the world that, sometimes, i feel sadness to raise a child in such a world...  and not to dampen the mood, but i'm a realistic thinker, not all roses and sugar and "positive thinking"...  but, real and concerning.  thats just how my brain works.  i never used to be able to balance it, in fact, my mother used to think that i had a chemical imbalance, but the older i got, the more i was able to understand my own balance and use tools to continue to think as much as i do, about EVERYTHING, and still feel my deep and genuine happiness with which i was blessed.  i'm an activist, truth-seeker, and skeptic, and refuse to go along with everything that people try to teach me.  you know the term sheeple?  i'm not one.  regardless, the truth is - north korea is shooting rockets at south korea, syria is sending scud missles over lines...  the threat of a world war is very real, and very well may happen in my lifetime, just as it did twice in the lives of others, but, it will be much, much different, this time around.  i have so many concerns about the state of our world.  i know that many people dont see what could be happening (and just dont want to, for that matter) - political takeover, our food supply is being invaded and damaged, the gov't is building bunkers for themselves miles and miles out at sea and under our nation, chemtrails in the sky, war creation (9/11)....  its all so bizarre and i feel that our world is being run by psychopaths.  and i mean that in the text book definition of the term, not a slam or slander.  

    definition: A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

i believe these are our politicians, CEO's, and the people seeking to run our nation and world.  so, all of this being thought about in this ever spinning brain of mine and written as food for thought, i know what i need to do.  i am strong enough to keep pressing as hard as i can to harness the truth, in this world, and not give up my life to mongrels in power.  i have been blessed to live in freedom and live a fulfilled life.  i wont take it for granted and i will always shine.  may our souls be blessed, little one.

my promises to you, my beautiful unborn child:

Protection and Shelter:

i will ALWAYS be there for you.

i will never let anyone hurt you.

i will protect you and give you your every necessity.

i will always be available for your every problem.  i want our bond to be open and loving. 

you will always have a place to go.  home.

Medicine:

food.  food is medicine and should be used as such.  it is not a pleasure action, though you can find great pleasure it natures bountiful menu, but rather nourishment for your beautiful temple - mind, body, and soul.  i will feed you the best food available, for as long as i can.  no GMO's, no packaged garbage that industry try to sell us, no copious amounts of sugar, candy and french fries and doughnuts and pizza to damage your cells and give you childhood obesity, diabetes, or autism, and later in life, cancer.  (on special occasions, we'll most certainly splurge, dont worry!  i know how to have fun, but necessity comes first.  ;)

Materials:

i will always clothe you.  and i will always try to ensure your clothes are made by hardworking people in the world and not children, such as yourself.  (Ex:  Walmart is a popular, cheap store, but it supports underage, child workers, and makes enormous profits off of it.  its not in my make-up to have a clear conscious about such business.)

i will never spoil you to the point that it damages your clear judgement.

i will always try to buy you the most valuable materials in the world, those made only by nature.  cottons, woods, metals, etc.  i do my best to avoid plastics, so as a baby, will do my best to minimize them since they are highly toxic to you.  i cant avoid it all, its just not possible, but i will do my best.  and its going to be confusing because all of your friend will have toys coming out of their ears, but most of them are invaluable and serve no real purpose.  we'll play and go outside and paint and listen to music and make food and play games...  dont you worry.  life will be good.  i promise.  your dad and i are fun people.  in fact, we may have been having a little too much fun in life, which is why you were planned so late!  haha.

Love:

the warmth and strength of a parents love is more than i ever could have imagined.  i will love you more than you will ever be loved.  forever and always.  my mothers love carried me so much further in life than i could ever have dreamed, that i've seen the benefits time and time again, in my life.  this gift, that so sadly not everyone gets to experience or share, will be shared with you.  you will be so loved by so many people.  i, simply, cannot wait to meet you and give you the foundation of a stable, loving life, that we all so greatly deserve, but dont always get.  

i want you to flourish.  

~ i love you ~  and this is my very first time saying so.  expect it your whole life!

today is 12/12/12 and i took this picture on my phone, in your honor.  it was taken on 12/12/12 at 12:12pm, Pacific Time.  =)

Native American Code of Ethics

i plan to hand-write this for my child, before its born, to forever keep.  cherokee indian is said to run through my family (and its SUCH an interesting story!) and the native american way of life is one with which i identify the most, on this earth.  i cant explain it.  perhaps, because its truly part of me, in my blood.  being quietly humble and not boastful, respecting the earth, its people, plants, and animals, and being of healthy mind, body, and soul.

* * *

Rise with the sun to pray. Pray alone. Pray often.
The Great Spirit will listen, if you only speak.
 
Be tolerant of those who are lost on their path.

Ignorance, conceit, anger, jealousy and greed stem
from a lost soul. Pray that they will find guidance.

Search for yourself, by yourself. Do not allow others
to make your path for you. It is your road, and
yours alone. Others may walk it with you,
but no one can walk it for you.

Treat the guests in your home with much consideration.
Serve them the best food, give them the best
bed and treat them with respect and honor.

Do not take what is not yours whether from
a person, a community,the wilderness or from a
culture. It was not earned nor given. It is not yours.

Respect all things that are placed upon
this earth – whether it be people or plant.

Honor other people’s thoughts, wishes and words.
Never interrupt another or mock or rudely mimic them.
Allow each person the right to personal expression.

Never speak of others in a bad way. The negative
energy that you put out into the universe
will multiply when it returns to you.

All persons make mistakes.
And all mistakes can be forgiven.

Bad thoughts cause illness of the mind,
body and spirit. Practice optimism.

Nature is not FOR us, it is a PART of us.
They are part of your worldly family.

Children are the seeds of our future. Plant
love in their hearts and water them with
wisdom and life’s lessons. When they
are grown, give them space to grow.

Avoid hurting the hearts of others.
The poison of your pain will return to you.

Be truthful at all times. Honesty is the
test of one’s will within this universe.

Keep yourself balanced. Your Mental self, Spiritual
self, Emotional self, and Physical self – all need
to be strong, pure and healthy. Work out
the body to strengthen the mind. Grow
rich in spirit to cure emotional ails.

Make conscious decisions as to who
you will be and how you will react. Be
responsible for your own actions.

Respect the privacy and personal space of
others. Do not touch the personal property of
others – especially sacred and religious
objects. This is forbidden.

Be true to yourself first. You cannot
nurture and help others if you cannot
nurture and help yourself first.

Respect others religious beliefs.
Do not force your belief on others.

Share your good fortune with others.
Participate in charity.

Raspberry to Cherry

8 weeks, 2 days

we've graduated from raspberry status to cherry.  =)  and from embryo to fetus.  the eyes are formed, but the eyelids are fused shut over them, and will be until around 28 weeks.  our baby has small ears, nose, and lips, and the sex organs are formed, but looking much asexual, at this point.  around 12 wks will be when we can determine the sex.  i'm indifferent about the sex...  i'll be happy either way.  the only thing that i've really been overly worried about is that i keep reading that the older you are, the more of a chance of downs syndrome, the pregnancy not "sticking", etc...  i have my first appt this week - blood draws, etc. - then, i go for my first, full appt. next week.  i'm hoping to hear my babies heart beat, which at this point is around 150 beats per minute.  chris says, "like a humming bird!" the baby is starting to move more and its fingerprints are forming.

i've still had no sickness or hard symptoms.  i got nauseous, once, but it, quickly, passed.  i'm a tab bloated, it seems, toward the end of my work day, and i can feel changes happening.  i get shooting pains in my abdomen and light "pulls" from time to time.  my body is manufacturing placenta - our babies life support system, and my bodies metabolism and hormone levels have increased while my blood sugar and blood pressure have lowered.  they say that through all of this, i should be exhausted, but i'm not.  i'm only slightly tired and tend to fall asleep earlier than my usual 1am night owl time.  other than using the restroom frequently, thats about it, through my first trimester.  so far, so good!  i'm scared to gloat for fear of conjuring up any emotions from the symptom gods!  if anything, i'm more emotional about the process itself.  the act of childbirth itself, the safety, and the aftercare.  i've never wanted more than to be able to raise my own child.  and due to monetary constraints, it seems as though someone else will.  day care.  it horrifies me.  other women or men with my child, other children interacting with my child while i'm not there...  ug.  i've realized that i'm much more of a type A personality that i ever knew.  i suppose thats why i was so active at a young age.  president of this, vp of that...  i'm a control junkie.  but, the world we live in is governed by money, and we dont make enough to live off of one income.  i often dream of moving off the grid, building a green home near a lake or water source, having a garden, a shop to build things, and living in pure freedom and enjoying my family and life.  =)  yes, i'm a dreamer.

i'm worried more about all of this stuff than i will be the more pregnant that i become.  i can feel it.  i'm a worry wart about the unknown, but once our baby forms more, i can FEEL that my happiness will increase.  i, often, get overwhelmed with that happiness and fully break down and cry tears of love and joy!!!

names...  i'm contantly thinking.  its hard when you're trying to name for both boys and girls!!!

girls - fallon parker? 
boys - dominic valentino?

chris and i havent been agreeing on anything, yet.  haha.  he keeps yelling out names that everyone already has...  angelina, isabella...  all of the most popular names in the US.  our baby is unique!  and so should be the name.  ;)

we'll be able to wittle it down more once we know our babies sex.  SO EXCITED!!!


xoxoxo