yesterday was extremely difficult, even though it was my birthday. i went through a myriad of emotions re: my pregnancy, where we are financially, and the death of a co-worker.
i felt as though i should be so much happier and excited to be a mother... but, its normal, i think, to ensure the baby is born into a stable home. so, i started to worry that we wouldnt be able to provide. there couldnt be any more love between us, as a couple, but money and career has always been an underlying issue, as i know it is in most developing families. its the most frustrating thing in the world to know your worth, know your intelligence, know your education, and then have to settle, like most everyone else, because you cant find that perfect career path. i know that we all have to sacrifice, in certain times in our lives, but its nothing that you ever just want to easily yield to. it should be the last option. and we're at that point. settling, because its the last option (job-wise). we're two very savvy, charismatic people that have never had a problem finding a job, but we want more than a job. we want a career, we want stability, we want to be happy. that being said, i will never give up on working hard and looking forward. its just how i've been created - to work hard. now, its my responsibility to try to help my other half to stay diligent, keep searching, and be comforted in knowing that we always have each other and we'll always be okay, no matter what we go through. love is a powerful tool. in my world, its the most powerful tool available.
on my birthday, my nurse and co-worker committed suicide. it may have hit me the hardest, because while someone took their own life, i am working on creating one. it breaks my heart to know that someone could be in such a lonely, dark place and leave behind friends and family to wonder what went wrong. i lost my own father to a tragedy, when young, and those types of deaths are the hardest to process and overcome. but, i can lie, i've been there when i was younger. life is difficult. life can hurt more than it seems that we can handle. but, again, love has been what kept me afloat. i could never be so selfish to damage my family. its not fair to burden others with so much pain when you have love and support, but just refuse to seek it. its a selfish act, but it also makes me realize the value of life. i will nurture and care for our child so much that i hope to never have to deal with such a situation. blessings to my nurses soul and her friends and family left behind.
on these notes, i know that all of these feelings are just part of my adjustment period. its a bit overwhelming to create a life, birth it, and raise it with all of your ideals and morals. but, all parents say its the most amazing experience on earth, so i'm glad to welcome it.
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i found out that our baby is the size of a sesame seed:
"During this week, the amniotic fluid starts collecting about the cells that comprise the embryo. It assists in cushioning your child in the course of the entire 9 months of pregnancy.
In the course of this time, your child is expanding remarkably fast. However, it will alter rapidly within the weeks that come. It starts developing its head, spinal chord and also the gastrointestinal tract.
You may even notice that your waistline is expanding, but you should not concern the excess fat acquire that is unavoidable, at this time. In truth, it really is pretty natural and healthy to acquire bodyweight throughout pregnancy, as much of it is because of the growing placenta, amniotic fluid, as well as the fluid collecting inside the tissue and the baby. The bodyweight acquire can also be because of the accumulation with the maternal body fat that assists in supporting the breastfeeding.
The third week of pregnancy is the time when a whole lot of changes are about to happen inside your body. Appreciate these alterations and bear in mind that they assist in supporting you and also the child throughout your pregnancy"
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