Alexis - Our X Factor

thursday, february 7th. 

~ * ~ .......he was a she....... ~ * ~

X chromosome...  and the only one that she had...

we had planned to name her, if we had a girl, alexis parker.  my Love wasnt sold on the parker, but he picked alexis, so i felt the right.  and i wasnt 100% sold on it, anyway.  just about 80%.  dominic for a boy, alexis for girl.

alexis it was.

a fetus' genitalia does not fully form to be recognizable to the human eye until you're well into your second trimester.  even then, its a gamble and, sometimes, a full surprise upon delivery.  even though, in my hand, i held and studied my tiny, precious, and perfect baby and thought i had determined the sex correctly.  i was incredibly wrong.  and i say incredibly because of more than the obvious reason of my error.  the other reason is that i had been taken down the road of thinking that i was carrying a baby boy from the very beginning.  everyone told me, and i mean EVERYONE, "you dont have any pregnancy symptoms...  its a boy, for sure."  but, i had heard conflicting stories, too.  my mother with me, my best friend with her two girls - no sickness, no violent and traumatic issues.  i was playing the "which do you think it will be?" game with everyone that i told about the pregnancy, just for fun and see what peoples intuitions would be.  i asked multitudes of people - friends, family, random strangers...  "i say, boy," was the, nearly, unanimous guess.  nearly...  except one.  the ace hardware man that was beyond excited about his own, new grandchild being born.  he and his wife even fashioned a FULL nursery for the babies arrival and when his son and daughter-in-law would visit.  a little girl. 

"we're having a granddaughter," he gushed.

his anticipation was the cutest i'd seen and felt so happy for him and his family. 

"take a shot in the dark about what you think i'll have," i asked, wondering if he would play along. 

he stopped, looked at both my husband and me and said, "well, i say a girl.  for no other reason than thats the first thing that comes to mind since thats what we're having."

"you're the very first person to say girl.  everyone else has said boy," i told him.  he smiled and said, "well, either way its exciting.  good luck!"

regardless, i wavered, back and forth, over which i would prefer and i envisioned my husband bonding with a son and being the father that would put all others to shame.  we chatted, back and forth, of the benefits and disadvantages of both.  boys are, at most all times, on full throttle, rambunctious and loud.  they want to skate board and play full contact sports to channel their multitudes of energy and chit chat about their every minds fantasy and play video games and break every single bone in their bodies by the tender age of 16...  *phew*  i'm tired just thinking about it.  i had concluded... and i wanted a girl.  girls are, so often, sweet and gentle when they're small.  i know i was.  i felt like a very quiet and happy child that only wanted to chat with people because i liked them or felt some sort of compassion to them.  i can remember sitting in early classrooms and watching everyone around me chat and wonder how they felt like sharing their every desire with everyone else.  i isolated myself from them.  so, i would just go back to my drawings, writings, and homework.  i, simply, didnt have that "gift" to share every little thing that was on my mind.  i believe modern day calls it the "gift of gab".  but, dont get me wrong - i could talk, but it tended to be if i was talked to first with a relevant subject.  not just about timmy and how cute he was.  i dont blame them for their light conversation, but i grew up faster than the average functional child.  hardships do that, i've realized.  you cant relate to certain things and your mind gets shaped by your own environment.  so, i would find comfort in my mind.  it was my retreat.  i remember sitting in my room and playing by myself for hours and being so content.  i remember hanging out with boys and wondering why they were so loud and having the need to scream everything to me and bang things around.  i remember falling deeply in love with animals with which i grew up, and thinking of them as my very best friends.  especially tiny, gypsy, and sinbad.  two cats and a dog. 

to be continued...