Pineapple Bowl

chicken, pineapples, rice, macadamia nuts, and spices inside of a pineapple.

dinner fun!  i forgot the veggies...  whoops!

Cough, Cough. Sniffle, Sniffle.

i've been sick all week.  what?  me?  sick?  ha!  i cant recall the last time since it NEVER happens.  but, you're sucking every single nutrient from me, leaving me vulnerable.  i have a dude in my office who's family is always sick. *sigh*  germs.  you cant always avoid them.  i'm okay with being sick, honestly.  its been awhile since my immune system has fought anything.  i never get "out for the count" sick.  here are my remedies for us.  well, me, really.  you're healthy as can be, im sure.  SINCE YOU HAVE ALL OF MY NUTRIENTS.  ;)

babybellybutterslather

as you know, i make everything i use on myself.  this is our belly cream.  lots and lots of nutrients for my skin nourishment and not one thing to harm you.  i rub it on my belly, which means it absorbs right where you are!  super safe.  being pregnant was the entire "birth" of my 100% natural ways.  i'd always been there, for the most part, but i still bought toothpaste, deodorant, various lotions...  being pregnant made me think of what a baby would absorb through my skin.  EVERYTHING. 

many people say, "if i cant pronounce it, it cant be good."  (food babe)  and while thats USUALLY a good rule of thumb since chemicals are 32 letters long and made in a lab, it could just mean that you just have a limited vocabulary.  i've never heard of sinensis?  well, its a fancy word for orange.  many things you cant pronounce or dont know what it is, can be good for you.  you need to research.  is it linked to cancer?  nix!  EWG is a phenomenal site to check if your products are safe.  you'd be surprised!  http://www.ewg.org/

my skin is so soft and supple.  you'll stretch me around, little one!  i'm ready!

Lets get PHO'd up!

one of my all time favorite meals.  PHO!  mmmmm.  vietnamese noodle soup with rice noodles, flavored bone broth (clove star anise, coriander, fennel, cardamom, ginger, onion), Thai basil, green onions, white onions, bean sprouts, lime, fish sauce (makes everything good!), hoisin, and Thai chili sauce, and i add sriracha.   sometimes a lot.  sometimes, too much.  flaming lips.  like the rad band.  i LOVE it.  warm and spicy and fresh.  perfect!  i get it with shrimp.  these are regular shrimp, but one of my favorite places in san diego made the shrimp bbq-style.  not like saucy bbq, but they marinated them in a spicy rub sort of thing and then grilled them over a fire.  they were the best i've ever had anywhere.  such a clean, feng shiu atmosphere with super speedy vietnamese men seating, bringing water, bringing apps, refilling your water, making sure everything was okay, busing tables...  hard ass workers.  and as a team.  they ran a great business. 

i could eat this until the cows come home. 

dont ever come home, cows!  be free!

i'll just come visit you.

Tender, Last Thoughts

i've been doing some thinking...  i always have my sweet alexis parker on my mind, especially throughout this pregnancy, and i constantly want to reference her.  i've gone through so many feelings, in the last three years, that its been hard not to think about them on a constant basis.  but, as of this week, i'm feeling like i dont want to always reference her.  i seem less connected to the second one because it was early and there were weird circumstances surrounding the whole thing.  i prefer not to hurt myself with entertaining the thoughts.  alexis was different.  very different.

i'm starting to feel lighter and happier and so much more hopeful than ever, and all of this hit me as i was reading something - let it go.  at least for now. 

maybe this is my last post concerning it.  like i said, just for now.  she is in a tiny little urn and with us, always.  if i didnt know anything about what happened, i would find the urn creepy.  but, it was a gift from a very, very unsuspecting person.  [thank you, dude (mark).  i'll never forget you and all of your tattoos.]  things are different when they actually happen to you.  your coping mechanisms are variant.  my mother-in-law told me, one day, when i was crying and feeling guilt about how i was "coping" (which seemed not very well, at one point) that, "dare you not worry.  whatever you have to do to cope is what you have to do.  dont worry about what one other person thinks.  we love you."  she just always seems to know the right things to say without prying or going overboard.  she is such a valuable example in my life.  i havent talked to one person about ALL of my feelings, yet they seem to flow like white water rapids here, in this space.  and believe it or not, i hold back quite a bit.  it reminds me how personal i truly am, but give me a writing platform and i blossom, more than i would have, otherwise.  i say blossom because i hate harboring my feelings so deep inside and not having anyone to trust enough to talk to.  so, releasing them, decompresses my soul, and i blossom.  but, some things are for me only.

so, in the meantime, i must be respectful of my newest, beautiful life coming to fruition, leave the past to rest in all of its peace and be thankful of its lessons - no matter how difficult, and love and trust today. 

and today, i feel free and full of love!  ♥

Wk 14

We're in week 14 today!  Here is our progress.  =)  I wish that I could see you every single day.  But, ultrasounds are bad for you, so we will probably only have three, total.  I'll have the 2nd one at 20 wks so that we can determine your sex!  I cant wait!!!

I was talking to your grandma C yesterday and she called you a "he" and said, "oh!  that just slipped!"  I've been calling you a he just out of pure convenience of not calling you a million other random things and to avoid "it."  haha.  We'll know soon enough!  And, I've heard of people planning for what they THINK is the determined sex, but getting a big surprise at birth.  That would be crazy.  They're pretty accurate, though.  I'm getting blood work done in a couple weeks and they can test your DNA.  Its pretty amazing.  We MAY be able to determine your sex then...  We shall see.

In the meantime, you made me sick this morning.  And yesterday morning.  And I've been nauseous, off and on, since wk 11...  And I couldnt be happier!  Make me sick all you want!  I cant wait to smother you in love!!!  XOXO

Wk 13

I forgot to post these.  I've been meaning to, so that I can track your progress, but kept forgetting!  I'm on it, now.  We just ended wk 13 and are in 14.  Lucky number 13 has a been a VERY sick wk for me.  Nauseous every day.  You're getting LOADS of raw ginger.  Hopefully, 14 is better.  But, I dont really care if not.  ;)