Twelve/XII/12

gosh, there is so much going on that i havent had time to be my creative self...

our baby is the size of a prune, now.  we are 9 wks, 4 days.  i prefer the size of an apricot.  prunes are shrivled and not very cute.  (though, i've been eating them a lot!)  i went for my ultrasound and could absolutely not be any more happy that, not only is everything healthy, but our baby is seriously active!  i was shocked to see the major development and movement!  arms and legs kicking around...  the right arm looked as if he were waving and it burst me into tears.  this is my first pregnancy, so i didnt think to capture anything since i wasnt even certain how the appointment would flow.  next ultrasound, i will video it.

i have been so worried, not having any sickness or nearly ANY pregnancy symptoms, that the pregnancy may be compromised or that it didnt continue properly (miscarriage) - so seeing our progress was moons and stars more than i could ever have wished. 

I'M HAVING A BABY!!!

sometimes, i get so overwhelmed and reality hits!  and i yell that, outloud, to myself.  haha.  oh, what changes and joy.  all that i want is a healthy pregnancy, birth, and happy life.  there is so much going on in the world that, sometimes, i feel sadness to raise a child in such a world...  and not to dampen the mood, but i'm a realistic thinker, not all roses and sugar and "positive thinking"...  but, real and concerning.  thats just how my brain works.  i never used to be able to balance it, in fact, my mother used to think that i had a chemical imbalance, but the older i got, the more i was able to understand my own balance and use tools to continue to think as much as i do, about EVERYTHING, and still feel my deep and genuine happiness with which i was blessed.  i'm an activist, truth-seeker, and skeptic, and refuse to go along with everything that people try to teach me.  you know the term sheeple?  i'm not one.  regardless, the truth is - north korea is shooting rockets at south korea, syria is sending scud missles over lines...  the threat of a world war is very real, and very well may happen in my lifetime, just as it did twice in the lives of others, but, it will be much, much different, this time around.  i have so many concerns about the state of our world.  i know that many people dont see what could be happening (and just dont want to, for that matter) - political takeover, our food supply is being invaded and damaged, the gov't is building bunkers for themselves miles and miles out at sea and under our nation, chemtrails in the sky, war creation (9/11)....  its all so bizarre and i feel that our world is being run by psychopaths.  and i mean that in the text book definition of the term, not a slam or slander.  

    definition: A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

i believe these are our politicians, CEO's, and the people seeking to run our nation and world.  so, all of this being thought about in this ever spinning brain of mine and written as food for thought, i know what i need to do.  i am strong enough to keep pressing as hard as i can to harness the truth, in this world, and not give up my life to mongrels in power.  i have been blessed to live in freedom and live a fulfilled life.  i wont take it for granted and i will always shine.  may our souls be blessed, little one.

my promises to you, my beautiful unborn child:

Protection and Shelter:

i will ALWAYS be there for you.

i will never let anyone hurt you.

i will protect you and give you your every necessity.

i will always be available for your every problem.  i want our bond to be open and loving. 

you will always have a place to go.  home.

Medicine:

food.  food is medicine and should be used as such.  it is not a pleasure action, though you can find great pleasure it natures bountiful menu, but rather nourishment for your beautiful temple - mind, body, and soul.  i will feed you the best food available, for as long as i can.  no GMO's, no packaged garbage that industry try to sell us, no copious amounts of sugar, candy and french fries and doughnuts and pizza to damage your cells and give you childhood obesity, diabetes, or autism, and later in life, cancer.  (on special occasions, we'll most certainly splurge, dont worry!  i know how to have fun, but necessity comes first.  ;)

Materials:

i will always clothe you.  and i will always try to ensure your clothes are made by hardworking people in the world and not children, such as yourself.  (Ex:  Walmart is a popular, cheap store, but it supports underage, child workers, and makes enormous profits off of it.  its not in my make-up to have a clear conscious about such business.)

i will never spoil you to the point that it damages your clear judgement.

i will always try to buy you the most valuable materials in the world, those made only by nature.  cottons, woods, metals, etc.  i do my best to avoid plastics, so as a baby, will do my best to minimize them since they are highly toxic to you.  i cant avoid it all, its just not possible, but i will do my best.  and its going to be confusing because all of your friend will have toys coming out of their ears, but most of them are invaluable and serve no real purpose.  we'll play and go outside and paint and listen to music and make food and play games...  dont you worry.  life will be good.  i promise.  your dad and i are fun people.  in fact, we may have been having a little too much fun in life, which is why you were planned so late!  haha.

Love:

the warmth and strength of a parents love is more than i ever could have imagined.  i will love you more than you will ever be loved.  forever and always.  my mothers love carried me so much further in life than i could ever have dreamed, that i've seen the benefits time and time again, in my life.  this gift, that so sadly not everyone gets to experience or share, will be shared with you.  you will be so loved by so many people.  i, simply, cannot wait to meet you and give you the foundation of a stable, loving life, that we all so greatly deserve, but dont always get.  

i want you to flourish.  

~ i love you ~  and this is my very first time saying so.  expect it your whole life!

today is 12/12/12 and i took this picture on my phone, in your honor.  it was taken on 12/12/12 at 12:12pm, Pacific Time.  =)