my little bubba.
as your mom, i cant
sugarcoat things too much. but, i, also, wont be telling you every
detail. not here, not now. i'm just kind of trying to survive, over
these last few weeks. and thats the truth. i'm extremely stressed and
the universe has decided to not make it any easier for me. i'm
struggling, but i'm holding on for dear life and know, deep in my heart,
that we'll make it. i have to. for you. if there is anything about
life, its that idle hands are pure evil. we are energy. we need to put
our lives into motion using that energy. if we dont keep moving, like
stagnant water, we die. (you're wiggling like crazy right now, by the
way. ;) i just want you to know that there isnt anything in this world
from which i wont protect you and at any cost. i'm creating you. and
in that, comes great responsibility. my pregnancy with you has been
near perfect. you didnt make my hormones go wild, you've been sweet and
quiet, overall, and wiggle around just the right amount to allow me to
sleep and be comfortable. you're a blessing to me, so far. the same
cant be said for whats been brought onto me in the last weeks. i'm,
genuinely, at a loss and am going to have to pick up the pieces and make
my own way. i thought we were established, i thought we were moving
through life at a perfect pace, and i thought universal love would
prevail, over all. i'm too big of a dreamer. and am weary. my
serenity prayer magnet that my godmother gave me and that i've had for
years and years got broken last night. perhaps, its a sign. perhaps,
i'm not where i belong and i have to accept it. no matter what happens,
my life is all about making life grand for you, now. not living in
undeserved dysfunction, like we are. i had even more plans, but they're
breaking, as we speak. you have to roll with what life gives you and
you have to be a man about it all. in my case, woman. if i'm grateful for anything, at this moment, its all of my family, on both your dad and my side, and you.
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