okay, so i cleared out my drafts... i may stay here and not worry about an alternate space. too many things at once sounds busy. i need simplicity. your mom is private, but, also, wants to share life. im impossible to understand, on that front. i have no idea why im private. i have not one thing to hide or be ashamed of or whatever... im actually a tad on the boring/conservative side, i think. as much as i love wild and quirky things - art, people, movies, music - i, personally, am pretty simple. a true loner with many, many interests. who knows. i could be completely wrong about myself. perhaps, one day, you'll have an opinion of me. i hope you love me. if you love me even a fraction of how much i love you, i will be the happiest person to live. you'll see how much love i have through my writings. its nothing that can be suppressed! nor should it! i told someone, yesterday, that you bring out the absolute best in me. and you do. i've never felt happier in my entire life. granted, i've had a bit of a stressed and damaged childhood and it seems anything would be an improvement, but this isnt even close to that... its a spectrum of its own. parenthood has changed me for the better. i want to be your beacon of light, in an, otherwise, crazy world. i'm a stable human and i want you to have balance, too. with just a touch of crazy. ;)
over the next few weeks, i'll continually add to this chronicle about your first few months of life. as of today, you're four and a half months and more amazing than ever.
i cry over you. i cry just looking at you.
i love you.
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