"Hi! My Name is... Slim Shady."

Today is a very happy day for us.  I've been feeling so crummy (sick) and worried and anxious, and your dad hasnt been able to truly feel happy until he had more info. on you...  Today was the day.  And, it, also, happens to be your little cousin in AZ's birthday, so that's kind of special.  You dad has a broken family, just like I do.  We grew up only children, but both have multiple siblings.  Your dad has three sisters and a brother, two of the sisters have children.  You will be the third baby cousin born.  Three.  Again, three.  Its my favorite number.  You were our third, and now, you're the third baby cousin in the family.  I called your father, first, to give him the news.  Then, my father, then my mother (no answer), and then your fathers parents.  My dad has been so excited the whole way through, calling me at random and nearly coming to tears with excitement every time, so it was so fun to talk to him.  We've developed such a close relationship, through the years, so I'm very excited to have him as your grandfather.  Grandma O was as talkative as ever and we had a full conversation before I was able to break her the news.  haha.  She's chatty in the BEST way possible, so, sometimes its hard to get out your idea to her because she's so busy asking how everything else in our life is.  She has a very speedy mind that is FULL of caring curiosity, but once I finally said, "by the way, its a boy," she screamed in excitement!  They are going to spoil the hell out of you...  They do it to us, so once you come along...  LOOK OUT.  haha.  And I dont mean monetary spoils, but just caring bout you to the hilt.  They like to live a connected and joyful life.  She texts me constantly about whats going on in life.  She's someone that cares deeply.  Now, we're just waiting for grandma O to call back...   =)

All of our genetics tests were clear, you're healthy, and you have ELATED parents.  I've been tearing up all day since I found out the news.  

Now, what will we call you........

 

Update:  grandma O called and is ecstatic!  Speaking of love, she is full of love, emotion, and beautiful life.  My mother.  She would sacrifice her life if it meant something better for you.  She's just like my grandmother was, in the heart deparment.  A very sad RIP.  She's one that I wanted you to get to know.  But, life rolls how it does.  The two main women in our family didnt have a lot of material things - and never wanted the excess - but, I've truly never seen more heart given than with those two.  There is so much to be said for loving mothers.  Gangsters of the world.

Wk 18

I'm a little behind, but we're in wk 18.  I've been illin' with a slight cold, thought I was getting better, but then acquired a cough out of nowhere.   *sigh*  I dont get sick, so I'm having a hard time coping.  Its been weeks now.  I have gotten a cough in the past and it lingers...  Drives me crazy.  I have no idea how a virus can live in my body when I drink squeezed lemons, garlic, ginger, and cayenne like a crazy person.  What virus WANTS to live in that?  Unless its a Super Virus because of all of the toxins in our world, and good 'ol natural remedies are too mild.  Its like you cant win in the world these days.  There is so much garbage in food and the air that we've become resistant to anything natural and NEED the toxic meds.  Its frustrating.  But, I dont care.  I wont sacrifice my values and what I feel is right by giving in.  You're too important to me.  Should things get worse, I'll do what I have to do to protect you, but in the meantime, natural remedies and good foods it is!  =)  My nurses say my symptoms are mild enough not to worry right now - just ride it out.  So, ride the lighting, we will!  xo

TWINS!

* * * * * * * WE'RE * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * HAVING * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * TWINS! * * * * * * *

this just in!  just kidding.  april fools!  ;)  i think i would pass out.  there's is just one in there.  =)  its funny though, when i went for the ultra sound, she said, "okay, there we go...  we have just one..."  and it hit me - WHOA.  the thought of having multiples hadnt crossed my mind ONCE.  so, when she mentioned it, i was thinking, "oh, yeah, right, just one.  good.  GREAT.  HOLY MOLY!  FANTASTIC."  not that there is anything wrong with twins or more, but, um, no.  the work!  two children physically dependent on YOUR body to survive...  i'm tired just thinking about it.  i was raised an only child.  your dad was raised an only child.  YOU may be the only child.  as much of a loving social butterfly that i am, i dont like too much chaos around me that a big family would produce.  i love watching big families interact.  i love their bond.  but, i like simplicity.  for me, it keeps order.  and peace.  i can admire, from afar.

i think that i may have felt you for the first time, yesterday morning.  i flipped over and felt a little flutter in my tummy!  it sort of scared me, so i sat up and straightened out some since i ALWAYS worry about squishing you.  i find myself sitting up straight, not bending too far, pulling my waistband up or down further...  you've definitely helped my posture.  thanks, kid!  you're doin' me good already!  ;)

Our Alma Mater & the Final Four

Hail to the Spartans!  

FINAL FOUR BOUND

This weekend was a fantastic weekend for my and your fathers alma mater, Michigan State!  As you know, we both attended college there, your pops played football, and thats where we met (thanks to Mike Tyson, but thats another story).  Needless to say, we're both sports fans.  Mainly football and basketball, but I would go to various events, just for fun.  Rugby, baseball, lacrosse...  Its fun for me to watch competition.  Especially college.  They're pretty seasoned, at that point, typically having played for at least 10 years or so, and many have scholarships.  College athlete students with scholarships will tend to have a bit more drive than the average student since they're playing and studying with the scholarship in mind.  If they dont perform, they lose it.  Its an honor and one to be taken with heart.  So, watching these athletes that play with so much heart, is a great watch, indeed.  I was on a "team," of some sort, for the first 10 years of my life and nothing replaces that feeling.  In practices, you all work hard to individually better yourselves, push your physical limits, and then play together during the game for a common goal to win, and the feeling is great.  Even if you lose, you lean on one another for support.  Your dad is such an anomaly that, he excelled at individual sports, too.  Boxing, Jiu-Jitsu, etc.  I went that route with track because I was pretty fast, but it was for the whole of the team, in the end.  We both grew up playing sports and the "team" mentality is ingrained in us for the best.  The sheer camaraderie that sports brings to an entire group of people, that wouldnt share much, otherwise, is toxic.  You feel so much joy and the energy is tangible.  Even if you dont like sports, its fun to be in the crowd just for the pure energy.  I love, nothing more, than being at an event or even just a room of people, watching a team that you've followed for YEARS, know ALL about and love, and sharing the joys of the moment with that room full of like-minded people.  And for me, really, I just love college and earlier.  In college, the players are hungry, young, eager, talented, and at their peak of "want."  As children, well, THEY'RE CHILDREN.  Cute factor to the 10th degree.  They make it pure. 

Our MSU basketball program is of the classiest in the nation.  Tom Izzo has been our head coach since 1995 and words cant describe what he's brought to the program.  He loves his students and, like all great coaches, pulls out the BEST of whats inside of them.  Its part of the allure to watch the team.  To watch them blossom into being their best.  You see them come in as "green" freshman and leave their senior year as polished players and gentleman.  And with Toms teaching style, they're all true gentleman.  Not just stereotypical, meathead athletes.  Anyone that watched last year, remembers player Adreian Payne and little cancer patient, Lacey Holsworth.  These two had an immediate bond and she became the teams mascot, of sorts.  She drove the teams spirit in such a beautiful way that it made it a joy to watch them.  She passed away, soon after the tournament.  RIP, little one.

http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/story/_/id/10754327/michigan-state-spartans-adreian-payne-mourning-loss-princess-lacey-cancer



Tom Izzo said this:  "Princess Lacey has taught us all an incredible lesson about love, strength and toughness. We can all learn from her on how to handle adversity with class and dignity."

I love being part of such an honorable community.  Now, if we could just get you to go to State, too, we'll be all good!  haha.  ;)  Kidding, you do what you want - college isnt for everyone, but I will ensure you just be the best of who you're supposed to be.  Its my duty to set you up for that.  ♥   Your dad and I have talked about what we'll allow you to do or not...  Football is close to being off the table.  Children are getting concussions at a phenomenal rate and its not a safe game anymore.  We're all stronger, quicker, and more skilled than ever.  It makes it a dangerous game.  NFL players are experiencing some of the worst qualities of life that we've seen.  Mike Ditka, of the Chicago Bears, recently said that he would never allow his children to play football if he knew then what he knows now.  Its very scary.  Pro players are committing suicide and having severe disabilities from the game.  Our brains are extremely delicate and it makes sense it would be more prone to trauma when impacted.  I dont care what you do!  I just want you to be happy and do whatcha like!  Play the violin, be a mathematician, travel the world - just be happy and healthy!  xo

Magic Johnson was a MSU graduate.  He's been representing at all of the games.   

music:  duran duran - hungry like the wolf
weather:  75 and sunny
breakfast:  quest cheesecake bar, water
lunch:  falafel, tabbouli, hummus, tom/cuc salad, pita
dinner:  always a game time decision...   =) 

Last Friday of March

well, its the last weekend of our march and i'm tired of seeing these trails in the sky...  they do it every single thursday and friday and i want to know whats going on.  are they chemtrails?  they dont dissipate like regular trails of vapor.  i've been watching and suspicious of our skies for a few years, now.  i see weekend patterns, i hear stories, and i'm very curious.  especially living in the mountains, closer to the sky than anyone at sea level.  i drive your father crazy with my suspicions and curiosities and conspiracy theories, but i'm quite certain that i'm on to a lot more things than one might think.  when i tell you i have a strong intuition, i mean it.  in my life i've had feelings about many, many things that people doubt and i end up being proved right.  it happens constantly.  often, i dont talk about the specific situations.  i've had people lie to me while me knowing the truth and i never let them know.  its almost a way for me to hone my intuition even further.  i've learned that people will protect their reputation at almost any cost.  even if it means they've hurt you.  people HATE to look badly and harbor too much.  i've learned to pick my battles wisely.

anyway, i'm a little "odd" in a few ways, but dont care what people think, either way.  i'm a happy soul, by nature, and i dont let suspicions consume me. i graciously entertain them and still live happy, almost in SPITE of them.  i wont be preparing for the apocalypse anytime soon.  i'm just a curious mind that knows we, general americans, are being lied to on a daily basis by our government.  i dont always support certain things that, if i said outloud, people would freak out about.  its amazing how critical people are when you tell them your thoughts on things that are supposed to be "patriotic" or things that you should be in full support of...  i cant judge them too harshly.  they are still sleeping.  i shall digress here...  a very healthy balance of stark, raw awareness and enough sense to live an unfearful life is imperative to me for you.  i dont want you to walk around like the common human-zombie, unaware of how things work and just "go with the flow" of life.  the more aware you become, the better of a person you will be and the more apt to live a good life for the greater good of the world you will want.  it will be living in the truth and making a dynamic impact on our life and yours and theirs, to come.

non-clouds - the mysteries in our skies

 on a different note, i saw a skateboarder in the distance and it reminded me of cali.  *sigh*  i really miss cali, kiddo...  we may just head back, we'll see.  we're adventurous and will do exactly what makes us happy ~

i always dreamed of you playing in the warm sand and your dad teaching you to body board every weekend...  whatever we do, happiness will ensue.  ♥

* music:  amon tobin - deo

the six parts seven - changing the name of october

* weather:  pHeNoMeNaL - 72 and gorgeous

* breakfast:  water, homemade trail mix (could be worse!!!  but, should be much better.  i keep forgetting my oatmeal.)

* lunch:  shake - 2 scoops plant protein powder, chia seeds, quinoa, grass-fed gelatin, greens scoop, strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries

* dinner:  i might buy a grill tonight, so maybe chicken and a big salad??? 

Wk 17

xo

 

 

weather:  63 and sunny (snow melted immediately!).  its supposed to be 81 on saturday.  bike ride!

breakfast:  tea, cherries, almonds, macadamias, cocoa bits

lunch:  chicken pot pie type thing from whole foods

dinner:  chicken wings and salad

music:  judith hill - desperation (new album - back in time)  gorgeous voice, full of soul, but kind of bubble gum pop r&b...  first time listen for me.

150 Beats, Yo!

i heard you again, today!  150 beats per minute and feisty, as usual.  we always hear your heartbeat, right off the bat, but, then, as soon as you feel the doppler, OFF you go, moving around it!  the nurses always laugh, and today, she said its because its a tad unusual for the baby to move so much with just a little pressure.  you do it every time.  its so funny how feelings work so organically.  i just lie there, waiting to hear something, staring at the ceiling, no emotions whatsoever....  then, BAM.  i hear you.  and guess what happens?  i smile.  HUGE.  and i cant stop.  its that genuine, top of the line, loving feeling that puts you over the, proverbial, moon, and its absolutely beautiful.  my eyes well up with tears and i get chills.  i cant wait to tell your father you're there and healthy.  thank you.  thank you for giving me that feeling that has never happened to me before and can never be replaced.  i want you here with me more than anything in the world, right now, but you know what?  i'm stronger than ever, at this very moment.  i've learned, through loss, to accept my fate.  if anything happens to you, i'll make it.  i'll go through what i'm supposed to, but i'll make it.  i can be okay.  i've learned so much about myself.  that being said, you BETTER make my fate the best ever! 

i was driving home and looking around at all of the people...  everyone has had a child, everyone has BEEN a child.  a baby.  does everyone have THIS feeling that i have right now?  the pregnant mothers, expecting fathers and families?  how wonderful.  i started appreciating the things that life gives you.  just simple FEELINGS.  the tingles that i've gotten, the smiles that have never been forced.  and i know most of it is just who we are.  our own brains making us have these feelings, but if thats the case, i'm happy for my brain.  to think that i can genuinely feel all of these positive, happy, and real feelings means, to me, that i'm healthy.  i'm, somehow, an optimist.  and i say "somehow" because not everyone is.  i see it.  i feel other peoples angst.  literally, feel.  i can read people without them saying a word.  and i've been through a lot of garbage in my life, but creating who i've wanted to be has been pretty incredible, considering the roads that could have been taken.  i guess i'm kind of proud of myself for having the mind-set to want to be a certain person and then truly trying to be it.  i'm glad that i can smile.  i'm proud to see the good in things, no matter how bad.  i'm elated that i look at the earth with copious amounts of gratitude and treat all flora and fauna with love.  i could live and dance with every animal thats ever existed (they wouldnt let me, but you get the idea).  i have a husband that loves me and WANTS to be with me.  i feel grateful, right now.  today, right this moment.

thank you for the gift of now.

* * *

music:  john lennon - woman
weather:  WTH?  rain mixed with snow.  !  i thought spring was here.  oh, CO, you so cray cray.
breakfast:  tea, granny smith apple with almond, honey, flax, blueberry butter.
lunch:  cauliflower and kale cooked in coconut milk.  black beans with potato, carrot, onion, and squash.  banana, grapefruit, and mango salad.
dinner:  ???  nachos?  those are good for babies, right?  *eye roll*  so bad.  at least they'll be made with organic corn chips, grass-fed beef, organic cheese, grass-fed sour cream, jalapenos, and salsa.  oh, and heirloom tomatoes.  which i LOVE.  i'm a big tomato fan.  not the industrial ones that taste like fish, but vine ripened, delicious tomatoes!  any kind, really.  there are so many from which to choose.  most stores dont carry much variety.  like all food...  that's why i love specialty markets.  people that love and appreciate good food in all of its variety!  the tomatoes are the only "healthy" thing here...  maybe a little bit of the beef for its protein.  i think its 15% lean.  not bad.  oh well.  we'll count it in the "20%-whatever" category.  word?  word.