Last Day of the First Half!

today is the last day of the whole first half of our pregnancy.  i cant believe it!  and while its exciting, overall (i mean, words elude me...  i'm elated and excited and think of you CONSTANTLY), its a bit of a rough week.  we've had some things to think about this week.  some things with your father (that we'll figure out, as always), but, also, today marks the anniversary that your dads biological mother passed.  while her children werent close to her, due to various reasons, she was close with her mother and sister.  they both always remained by her side during all of her darkest and hardest days, right up until her passing.  i think of her often and sometimes talk to her aloud, and i always reach out to grandma C and auntie and tell them how i'm thinking of them and love them on this day and her birthday.  its your grandma C's heartache that i think about the most.  she's such a joyful, honorable, clean-living woman, that seeing her have to endure whats happened to her daughters is a hard pill to swallow.  she's a woman that makes sound decisions in life while still having fun, so i give her as much love as i can because she's an angel to me and she deserves a few more things than she's gotten in life.  but, with all of the loss that we have in life, it helps us connect to things on a deeper level.  that's been my own experience, anyway.  for me, it made me grow up quicker and examine life with a mature vision.  i learned to understand, cherish, and truly empathize with others.  you'll certainly experience loss in your life and it can be difficult, yes - you dont want to take away from your genuine feelings built or otherwise, but i never want you to fear it or find it awkward.  it may be a process, but we must land, wholeheartedly, in the peace of it.  we never know when our time is up, and things happen to people in so many unknowing and various ways - even questionable and downright odd - but, as strange as life can be, its also beautiful. 

sometimes, we must only celebrate in the good energy, no matter how small.