The Angel Chronicles: I Will Carry You Everywhere

so, this little ditty is a called a baby wrap. women in africa and many, many other countries have been carrying and wrapping their babies for centuries. i love the concept. my baby close to me while i do things? you bet!

i started researching baby carrying with my first pregnancy. i was fascinated at the idea of actually wearing my baby as opposed to leaving it sit in a carrier, or some other device, all the time. the more i researched, the more i learned. there were studies stating how leaving a baby on its back all of the time isnt the healthiest for the baby. carrying the baby helps mom and baby bond, and, of course, its convenient. gardening? throw the baby on your back! going to the zoo? throw the baby on your back and give them a great view of the world! plus, they can be absolutely gorgeous. the fabric. so. gorgeous. wait until i tell you about the "cult" of baby wearers. wow... anyway, for now ~

i was living at the beach when i came across the girasols. they are 100% cotton (very important to me - no synthetic materials on my baby - skin is our biggest organ and needs to breathe) and handwoven by the wonderful women in guatemala.

this is straight from their site: "Only pure untreated cotton that has neither been pre-bleached or chemically finished is used. We do not use formaldehyde, halogen-organic compounds, aromatic amines or brighteners. And our fabrics are not treated subsequently with chemicals or finishes. Girasol's select weavers are masters of a very difficult and ancient skill called diagonal weaving. A high-quality baby carrier produced with this method of weaving will always adapt elastically and never stretch out of shape. The hems have been doubled to prevent the edges from causing any unpleasant pressure."

whats not to love? sold!

i perused the collections and clicked on what i wanted. easy, right? NO. "sold out. next wrap released in july." july? its december! i have to wait six months for a wrap? i had to be put on a waiting list! so, this isnt like amazon where i just click and buy? nope. the serious baby wrap makers make only a select few and then release them on a certain month. only if you've signed up WAY ahead of time are you qualified to get their one-of-a-kind wraps for yourself. um, okay, so what now? i had to email the company, tell them that i'm interested, and see what wrap they would be releasing next. CRAZY. would i even like it? i'm kind of a picky bear... i know what i like and i get stubborn. so, the kind lady e-mailed me that the next release would be "tropical sunset" made of beautiful sherbet oranges, lemon yellow sunshine, and turquoise blue. fine, great, i was thinking more of some cool black and white artsy pattern, but that sounds delightful. i live in san diego, so it kind of works. sign me up!

but, then... reality. my second trimester mc... i was crushed. do i cancel? what if i never have a baby? what if i CANT. what if my husband leaves me for someone else to make a family because i cant and i NEVER have a baby? its shocking the things that you go through, mentally, when something like this happens to you. you feel shitty about yourself and what your life is going to become. you dream about your life. and you KNOW that things arent going to work out exactly like you dream, but you never imagine that the big things wont work out for you - ie: having a child. my husband comforted me like no other. he promised that even if we never had a child, we would always have each other. and no college or child bills! haha. =) it made me feel better, but i knew that deep down, he was struggling with everything, too. and it hurts. you feel helpless. will your life fall apart? but, you just hope for another day to be merciful to you. another day to hug each other and be our most faithful when it counts the most. when you know that you do all of the right things in life - you're a good person, you're a faithful to everyone in your life, you're open to learning the truths about life - it makes tragedy a downright bitch. i learned a lot about people during this journey. A LOT. how people handle problems, who your friends are, who its also happened to, how your family responds... and i'm proud of everyone in my life. most everyone, anyway.

i decided to say fuck it. pardon my frankness, but thats what i said. if i never have a baby, at least i'll have a kickass beach blanket.

when i finally received it late july, i was elated. it was beautiful. and handmade 7/15/13, just two days after our baby girl was supposed to be born. it sat in my linen closet, moved to CO with me, and sat in another linen closet until last night.

its time! i'm finally hopeful, and i feel happy.

now, i just have to learn how to use it.

oakley, always curious. maybe i'll wrap him like a baby! maybe not. he'll scratch me to death. Senor Sticky Pants - his nickname because his nails are so long and stick to EVERYTHING.